everysingle days the same... i never get anything out of it that i want.. im always dissapointed and i regret everthing...i cant get over little things.... it makes me sad when others are happy.... im paranoid and tired of life pretty much.. nothing to write about....just everything is never satisfying and it gets old and quick....i can never be who i want to be and i know that people say that a lot but its like everything i want is nothing i have and it seems like its always like that for me.....most of the friends i have are gone not that i had that many to begin with... im not into self mutilation shit anymore so i guess thats good/..... im doing better off medication then on it that stuff made things worse..and ALL I DO IS COMPLAIN about the stuff i dont have but its hard not to seeing people so happy with things or whining over like one tiny thing and theni have to go home and deal my shit.. and im a hypocrate cause i do the exact same thing.... if i could get over things itd be easier but i still have so many memorys that are making it worse and they shouldnt be.i spend more time analyzing things then trying to make things right and i guwess i have nothing to complain about i feel stupid i guess i am but whateveri want to be so much different but im stuck in the reality that this is my life and its not going to get much better.

im sorry for who ever reads this i doubt anyone will but dont feel u have to respond because im kinda venting to no one here most of this is pretty random and stupid...

WSAW IT ON AMYS SO I WAS LIKE HEY OK...

Put an x next to what you have done.
( ) smoked a cigarette
( ) smoked a cigar
( ) smoked weed
( ) smoked hooka
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
() been in love
(x) hugged someone
(X) kissed someone
(X) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) been in a fist fight
() snuck out of your parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(X ) been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
() gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
() had a crush on a teacher
( ) been to Europe
(x) skipped school(DOES ASEMBLIES(SP?) COUNT)
( ) seen someone die
(x) been to Canada
( ) been to Peurto Rico
() been on a plane
() seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) thrown up in a public place
(x) purposely set a part of myself on fire
() eaten Sushi
(x) been snowboarding/skiing
() met someone in person from the internet
( ) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken painkillers
( x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel

I've been writing a lot of stuff in my little notebook.. ideas for poems or just potential lines..... so yeah i have some things to write about i guess but this damn musical im in is taking up all my time so it may be till like this weekend till i start entering in more poems....the musical is fun but i have to stay at school for like friggen 11ish hours a day and put up with the fake smiles slapped on all the theater peoples faces.. blech... well im looking forward to adding more poems..... bye bye
-doubts the importance of putting in this entry-
oh well heh...

hmm.. im kinda in a slump like i said... my last few poems seem rather sketchy to me and are not truning out too well... i kinda need that drive again to make them more passinate but i dont.. then again ive been writing a few poems a day so maybe i have a lot of it out of my system so ill prolly not submit for a while and really work on each peice at a time as i write it...-_-